Guest Post by Alexandra Hayes If you’re trying to transition to remote work, the way you’re communicating is super important. How you communicate plays a large role in if people actually understand what you’re saying. Whether you’re working remotely or not, these expert tips will have you communicating better in no time. You’ve likely experienced over the past few years, a conversation that has taken a turn. Someone said something that doesn’t sit right with you, and you’re unsure of how to respond. Navigating social situations like this can be stressful. Below are five expert-approved tips on how to maintain your cool and effectively communicate.
#1: Don’t Forget to Breathe
“If you’re trying to speak out in a way that has true power, the first thing you should do is take a deep breath,” Dr. Steven Fabick, Ed.D., a clinical psychologist in Birmingham, MI, says. “Once you do, you’re more likely to speak in a way that’s clear and articulate, and you’re less likely to try and embarrass the other person.”
#2: Don’t Be Accusatory
When a disagreement is passionate and personal, phrases like, “that’s ridiculous,” or “you’re impossible,” often get thrown around. This is called a psychoanalytic interpretation, explains Dr. Jerry Goodman, Ph.D. and Professor Emeritus of Clinical Psychology at UCLA. Put simply, it’s when you label another person to their face — a tactic that quickly offends people and quickly throws a wrench in a productive conversation. These interpretations can be non-verbal, too — like rolling your eyes. If you’re feeling heated and on the verge of giving someone a psychoanalytic interpretation, try giving yourself distance before speaking up. You’ll have time to cool down, and will have a better chance of engaging in a meaningful discussion.
#3: Don’t Be Preachy
“If we focus too much on being right and on winning, it usually backfires in social interactions,” Fabick says. Try to give people the benefit of the doubt if you can, and keep your lecturing impulse at a minimum.
#4 Avoid Combat Dialogue
“Combat dialogue” can include your tone of voice as well as words and phrases that are clearly vengeful. For example, when a male friend disagreed with me after I called his comments “creepy,” I asked him a series of questions designed to antagonize him. There’s something super combative in pointing out flaws in another person’s point. You should avoid getting into the cycle of trying to one-up the other person by instead, using “I messages.” For example, imagine you’re in the passenger seat with a driver who is going over the speeding limit. Instead of saying, “Slow down,” or “You’re an insane driver,” try saying, “I’m feeling nervous about how fast we’re going right now.” If you deliver your critique as an “I message,” the other person is less likely to feel attacked.
#5 Avoid 100% Certainty
If you want to have a meaningful conversation with someone, Goodman points out that it’s crucial to avoid certainties. “Certainty is dangerous,” he says. To avoid this, he suggests sharing your experience and inviting the other person to do the same. Since we can never be 100% certain about how and why another person came to their perspective, giving each other the opportunity to explain is essential. When you’re talking it through, Dr. Alisa Murray, Ph.D., a licensed psychologist, says to stay away from absolute terms that could trigger defensiveness. Words like “always” and “never,” which she points out, are rarely true. Dr. Murray also suggests taking a moment to show respect for the other person before continuing. Saying something like, “That’s an interesting point,” is helpful because it lets the other person know that you’re listening to them without insinuating you agree. Because, after all, these suggestions are meant to help you communicate respectfully, and truly hear what the other person has to say.
At Behere, we’re constantly inspired by the amazing women in our community. We’re thrilled to feature some of their stories and share how they’ve made traveling while working possible. From unconventional roles, to starting businesses abroad, these women have made exploring new places a priority. They share their biggest learnings, favorite memories, and advice for someone thinking about living in a new city for a month. Today’s Behere community feature, Carrie, is a consultant and writer from San Francisco. Carrie spent the summer living in new cities across Europe, snapping amazing photos and writing her book. She booked her time in Lisbon and Split on Behere, and although she’s returned home, she’s already planning her next adventure. Read her story below!
You’re able to work remotely, what is it that you do?
“While I primarily work as a consultant helping companies with operational challenges, I’m also a writer. I’m currently working on my first memoir about travel, love, and the difficult process of trusting yourself (working title “Bamboozled”).
Six-years ago, I was laid off from a job I enjoyed. At the time, it seemed like I had everything – I had spent 15 years working long days for – and should have made me happy. I had a promising career, a condo in San Francisco, and a partner that wanted to make plans with me. And yet, something was missing. Instead of taking the safe path, and against others’ advice, I took the severance from my layoff to pursue a lifelong dream to travel the world solo.
My story is about coming to terms with what we think we want, versus what we really want– as well as my misadventures from Reykjavik to Tokyo and many points in between.
In addition, I’ve been brainstorming new business ideas on how I can help other women transition from their “safe path” jobs, into more entrepreneurial and creative pursuits. I think it’s vital to share success stories and experiences of women living life on their own terms. I met many of these women during my time in Lisbon and Split.”
What was the most important thing you learned while living in new cities?
“I think living in a new environment helps us discern what we think we want, versus what we really want at a lightning-quick pace. Where ever we are in life, it helps right-size our boundaries to shut out less of what we don’t want, and open us to more of what we do want.
Because we can’t rely on our regular structures, environment and assumptions, we have to rely on our instincts and intuition. We’re forced to live in the moment and listen to our own inner voice, versus researching the pros-and-cons of every decision.
For example, if I’m exploring a new, unfamiliar city I have to make split-second decisions on whether a certain street may be safe to walk down at night, or whether a person I meet has good or ill intentions toward me. At home, I have more resources to research these things. I may have friends, family, or coworkers providing me input that runs counter to my gut instinct. But the more I make decisions with limited input, the faster I’m able to make them and have more confidence that they are the right decisions for me.
On the opposite side, I found myself more open to different opportunities than I would have been at home. I connected more deeply with people at restaurants, in classes, in public spaces than if I was at home among familiar friends.
I learned to say ‘yes’ to things more quickly and definitively because I realized those opportunities were unlikely to re-present themselves. Once I was able to right-size my boundaries to shut out what I didn’t want, open up to what I did, and trust my instincts, I found myself in a travel flow where I seemed to be in the right place, at the right time, with the right people, hearing the right message.
I experienced so many moments of synchronicity, I feel like I could write a separate book on the topic! Maybe it’s my sequel.”
How did Behere help on your journey?
“Behere helped provide access to communities where I could really feel connected to a place and its people. As an experienced traveler, I could have piecemealed flights and accommodations for myself, but I wouldn’t have had the in-depth experience I was seeking without Behere’s help.
The founders and their amazing team were instrumental in connecting me with people and organizations within the community that shared my interests. As a result, I was able to walk Lisbon’s winding streets with a fellow photographer, continue my meditation practice in Portugal, talk Croatian design with a former NYC fashion industry professional, and even tour an eco farm in a kaštela outside Split.
The options Behere provide are flexible, enabling you to be able to participate as little or as much as you like. There is no one to define what your time in that new city should or shouldn’t be – just resources and people to help along the way. I loved feeling the flexibility to explore and play in my new surroundings, knowing the Behere team was supporting and encouraging my journey.
Plus, their entire team is inspirational. It’s easier to feel inspired when you are surrounded by inspiring people.”
We love hearing highlights from our communities adventures, what was one of yours?
“There are too many memories to choose from!
But if I had to choose just one, it was speaking at my workspace in Split’s, ‘Sofa Series’ event about the power of travel. Beyond being able to speak about my passion, how it started and came together was the perfect application of all the travel lessons I had learned on the road, especially the ones about trusting yourself.
I had gone to Montenegro for three days to relax and write. While I had the opportunity to extend my stay a few extra days – and some intriguing incentives do to so – I had a gut feeling I had to return to Split. There was a party at my workspace that I felt I couldn’t miss.
I should mention I’m not the most naturally outgoing type, so I would be happy to bypass a networking social for a glass of wine with a friend if I was home.
At the party, I had a conversation with the founder, Tanja, and somehow the idea came up that I should talk about my book and travel experience at their kick-off Sofa Series – at the end of the week, no less.
While my initial thought was, “Wow, I would love to share my travel experiences,” it was also joined by thoughts of, “What am I getting into? I have never done this before.”
At home, these more “rational” thoughts may have outweighed the loftier ones, but I decided to trust that I was there for a reason and said yes.
I had prepared notes to talk about how travel helps clarify our self-concept, leads to better decision making, and helps us strengthen our intuition. Now I was being put to the test in not only living it but sharing it with others.
The day of the event, I was nervous. I was used to speaking to clients in a business suit and with PowerPoint presentations, but not to people halfway around the world about my passion! My fears soon dissipated when handed a glass of wine and comfy seat on the sofa.
For the next hour or two, I had a dialogue with the most interesting and insightful group of individuals – who also shared their travel experiences, fears, and aspirations. Sometimes as a solo female traveler, I’ve felt like an outsider and that there’s not a place where I comfortably fit in, but among that group I felt at home.
It marked the close of my Croatian experience, but beyond that, it marked a feeling that one can have a sense of belonging and home in a place as far away as Split. And that if we share ourselves openly and honestly, there are always opportunities for genuine connection wherever we roam.”
How did living in new cities affect your work?
“Living abroad improved my creativity and problem-solving skills exponentially.
The break from my daily routine ushered in a flood of new ideas – from novel ways to approach my book to an entirely new business idea. My ideas finally had space to roam and develop. I saw new connections between the various – and at times competing – aspects of my work.
The best part is my creativity hasn’t waned since I’ve returned home. Perhaps it’s because traveling helped me recognize when I’m in a rut and what I need to do to break free from it.
For example, some of my best ideas came while hiking through Marjan Park outside Split. Alenna, Behere’s Split City Host, encouraged me to hike the park with her at day-break one morning, which was 4:30am.
Anyone that knows me knows I don’t get up at 4:30am for anyone or anything! But at the end of it, I was refreshed, renewed and refocused. I had so much energy to tackle the day and pages of new ideas to act upon.
Now I know when I need inspiration or to view a problem from a different vantage point, I need a long hike. Which is another benefit of living abroad and setting your own schedule. It becomes a little trickier to block your calendar for a 2-hour walk in the middle of the day at a traditional 9-to-5 job – and yet so much more productive at times than 2-hours’ worth of conference calls.”
Finally, what’s your #1 piece of advice for someone thinking about living in a new place for a month?
“Beyond just making the commitment to yourself to do it; travel light.
I mean that mentally, emotionally, and physically. That’s not to say don’t be prepared; but leave behind any expectations about how you think the experience should be.
Allow your best plans to bend, shift, and be arranged. Experiencing a new place is about finding flow and freedom –not checking off a do-to list or seeing certain sites just because you feel the obligation.
Living abroad also allows you to reset some of the less-savory habits and patterns you’ve accumulated. Make a resolution to leave these habits back home. For me, that was creating a new morning ritual that did not include reaching for my cell phone upon waking.
Finally, pack less than you think you need. Pack your bag then unpack a third of it. It makes saying ‘yes’ to last minute excursions easier when you don’t have to schlep (and possibly pay for) that extra suitcase. And I promise you will not miss the shoes, that shirt, the books you left behind.
In fact, you may feel liberated to discover how little you really need to be happy.”
Do you run a business or work flexibly? (If not, we’ve got you covered with our Free Resources). Do you also dream of traveling but feel overwhelmed with where to begin? Booking on Behere helps make traveling to a new city seamless, learn how here.
Friends have a bigger impact on your health than you might think.
Guest Post by Alex Needham
Spending time with the people you love isn’t just enjoyable, it’s good for your health.
According to The New York Times, your behavior and well-being, including anxiety and happiness levels, are impacted (strongly!) by those around you.
One way researchers are beginning to understand this concept is by examining blue zones, or areas of the planet where people have longer lifespans. In many of these areas, healthy relationships are extremely important.
Why do women live longer in this city…
With the oldest female life expectancy in the world, Okinawa, Japan is a prime example of a blue zone. In this area, people create moais, which are groups of five people who offer one another emotional, social, financial, and other kinds of support. Moais not only emphasize sharing and positivity, they also seem to improve health.
Dan Buettner, a National Geographic fellow who studies blue zones, is looking to bring moais to the United States.
“We have created moais that are now several years old, and they are still exerting a healthy influence on members’ lives,” Buettner told The New York Times.
In addition, Buettner’s team has made it easy for people to optimize their previously-formed friendships. They have created a quiz that determines which friends might have the most positive impact. “Friends can exert a measurable and ongoing influence on your health behaviors in a way that a diet never can,” Buettner says.
How to apply this to your life…
So, form your own moai. Next time you’re with friends, make an effort to encourage sincere conversation and engage in activities that you all enjoy. As exemplified in Okinawa, finding a support system won’t just benefit you in the short-term — it could transform your long-term health, too.
Millennials receive a lot of criticism but it’s not all warranted, especially regarding the job market. Millennials are redefining the way we work, benefiting the employee and the employer. Employers now need to hire millennials that are driven, tech-savvy, and have a desire to learn. This often means updating company practices to attract them.
We dove into some things many millennials consider ‘non-negotiable’s’ to pinpoint exactly what they look for in a role…
WHAT MILLENNIALS WANT:
Flexibility
Almost half of all professionals have left a job, or considered leaving, because it lacked flexibility. Millennials want to manage their work/life balance, making flexible hours, vacation time, and location key. This is important because happy, healthy employees with lower stress levels are considerably more productive. Companies like Patagonia are ahead of the curve, allowing workers to plan office hours around outdoor activities, as long as their goals are met.
A key reason employees want flexible work options is to travel more. People who travel develop excellent critical thinking skills, meet people from diverse backgrounds and are better communicators.
Abandon the Desk Job
Social media, mobile devices and Wi-Fi have made the typical office desk job unnecessary. Sitting at a desk for 8 hours a day is unhealthy, and millennials are looking to break this norm. Working from anywhere results in more fulfilled workers with fewer health problems.
Creating an environment where people enjoy the work they’re doing and company culture is crucial for employee retention. Ensuring employees are challenged, learning and applying skills is key to a fulfilling career. This includes additional education and training assistance as a perk that millennials are looking for.
Teams can help attract millennials to energizing environments by offering flexibility, the ability to travel, and strong work-life integration. Establishing a team and strengthening it, regardless of being in-office or remote, helps create a more productive organization.
Culture is Key
Many organizations now focus on nurturing a unique culture that attracts and retains great people. They believe in providing a powerful culture that unites, engages and inspires the employees. By offering opportunities for growth at work, employers work to keep employees happy. These opportunities include training, certifications, attending experts’ workshops, etc..
Be Flexible
Another strategy for employee retention is flexibility. By offering flexible working, companies help employees better balance their work and personal lives. This has a very positive impact on employee satisfaction and retention.
Overall, the way we work is changing. As millennials quickly become the largest part of the workforce, employers need to adapt. Organizations will need to work to recruit young, informed employees by abandoning rigid practices of the past. Workplace flexibility and remote work will benefit companies as a whole. This will foster happy, healthy and productive employees.
And those are the environments millennials want to work in.
Already have a role that lets you work remote and want to try living in a new city? Learn more about how Behere helps you stay productive and live in a global city below.
Written by Katie Tatham A Vancouver based traveler, foodie and outdoor enthusiast. Connect with her on IG @kltatham.
[vc_row padding_setting=”1″ desktop_padding=”no-padding” ipad_padding=”sm-no-padding” mobile_padding=”xs-no-padding”][vc_column][vc_column_text]At Behere, we’re constantly inspired by the amazing women in our community. We’re thrilled to feature their stories and share how they’ve made traveling while working possible. From unconventional roles, to starting businesses abroad, these women have made exploring travel a priority. They share their biggest learnings and favorite memories. Plus, they share advice for someone thinking about living in a new city for a month.
Today’s Behere community feature, Tiff Ng, is a social storyteller. She became her own boss to have more freedom and this is how this freelancer keeps focused while traveling. Originally from Australia, she’s visited over 12 countries and is a creative, adventurous soul. She booked trips to Barcelona and Belgrade on Behere this summer. She returned home to Australia, already itching for more adventures. Read her story below.
You created a job that enabled you to work from anywhere, tell us about it.
“I’m a social storyteller; I help small businesses and influencers to tell their unique stories through a social and content strategy that is bespoke to their business and the audiences with whom they want to connect.”
What was the most important thing you learned while living in new cities?
“To be honest, it’s not always that easy. We often fall into the trap of thinking that quitting our jobs to travel, or having this Instagram-worthy ‘nomad’ life, is the dream. But it does take a lot of hard work and can be really tough. Having a positive mindset, the courage to keep going and a solid support system (and yes, that includes Behere) is key to helping you get the most out of this experience. But it is all up to you and your mindset.”
How did Behere help in your journey?
“It can often get very overwhelming being so in charge of every decision in your life. While I’ve been adjusting to location-independent work and building up my own business, it’s been amazing to have Behere take care of the rest. It’s given me peace of mind. I can focus on my work and have the comforts and WiFi I need to support that.
In particular, the network of city hosts and members of the Behere community have gone above and beyond to help me settle into each location. They were a friendly face on a journey that can often feel very isolating.”
We love hearing highlights from our communities adventures, what was one of yours?
“It’s not quite one, singular memory but rather a thematic experience throughout my time abroad. But my favourite will always be a sunset. There’s something about the rainbow of colours and the poeticism of another day passing that is truly spectacular. I particularly love chasing sunsets as I travel.
For one, it’s a luxury I wasn’t always afforded while working long hours in a corporate job. Now, working remotely, I can afford myself that break to just take a beat, wherever I am, to acknowledge that moment and appreciate it every day.
But secondly, and perhaps more importantly, it’s a phenomenon that happens every day in every place. It’s the unique combination of where you’re enjoying it – because it’s casting crazy silhouettes against the light or reflections over the horizon – or who you’re with, or what you may have been doing at the time, that can make each sunset unique, every single day. I love being able to make this daily moment an adventure wherever I go, by changing one of these variables each time.”
How has living in new places affected your work?
“I hate to sound like a cliché, but living abroad has really changed my life.
Living abroad has felt like taking a giant leap off the deep end and learning to fly. While it can be terrifying to think how far you can fall, for me, it’s given me the blind confidence to keep going and back myself in this whole journey. With this confidence, I’ve been able to grow a business that is more meaningful to me. It’s more aligned with where I want to go with my life and career. I’m clearer in my mission, more inspired in my work and I’ve never been more excited about what’s to come.”
Finally, what’s your #1 piece of advice for someone who’s thinking about living in a new city for a month?
“Go for it.
If it’s on your mind already, it will never go away. Take the risk and enjoy the ride. It might not always go to plan but constantly learn and grow from each experience. It will all be worth it.”
Have you been wanting to take the leap to travel for a while? Or travel without the headaches and work of planning, so you can be productive from the get-go? Learn how Behere helps make this possible here.
Connect with Tiff at anytiffng.com, or on Instagram, Twitter or LinkedIn.
Millennials are quickly becoming the largest generation in the workforce. However, there’s a growing trend among them that is different from their older coworkers. They’re not taking their vacation days because they feel afraid to ask for them and guilty using them – enter “vacation shaming”. It seems younger employees feel “vacation shaming” from their bosses and coworkers, believing they’re being indirectly discouraged from taking time off.
Millennials vacation days remain unused
The amount of people who use all their vacation days has dropped in recent years in the US. It’s become an increasingly prominent trend among the younger generation of workers. According to the annual Allianz Travel Insurance Vacation Confidence Index; as many as 25% of millennials reported feeling nervous when requesting time off, as opposed to 14% of Gen X’ers and 6% of workers aged 55+. There is a growing sense with millennials that they need to demonstrate commitment to the job – even if it comes at a cost to their mental and physical health.
Protecting their professional image
Unfortunately, these stats are even more common with millennial women. It’s reported only 46% of them used their full vacation time. Women are more likely to feel guilty, replaceable, or want to demonstrate “complete dedication” to their work. Women also worry about the effect of their absence on their job. They have fears of returning to too much work, or that no one else can effectively complete their tasks. Young women are more concerned with these fears than young men, with more men taking their vacation days.
Vacations help employees and businesses
Not taking time to refresh and recharge can take a toll on your health, leaving employees burnt out and demotivated. Vacations actually promote improved mental health and boosted productivity. They make coming back to unsolved issues or extra emails worth the time away. Employees are also likely to come back with increased creativity and reduced exhaustion. Even though post-vacation blues can kick in once back in the office, don’t be discouraged from taking time off. The long-term benefits are well worth the struggle, even after the short-term benefits have faded.
While any time off can be rejuvenating, some vacations can do more for employees than others. Mastering new skills like new poses at a yoga retreat or taking a cooking class can reduce exhaustion in the days following your return. If your office is suffering from a slump, why not pitch the idea of a working holiday in a new inspiring space, to your boss? Getting the team out of the office and into a new environment – where they can learn, collaborate and explore – will have them returning to the office with new levels of creativity and productivity.
Vacation days are part of compensation, and millennials, especially women, need to be reminded of this. Actively moving away from the mindset of advancing in a career, through fewer breaks, benefits the company and employee. Employersalso need to set an example and encourage their staff to take time off. They need to promote a culture of happy and healthy employees, that bring their best to their roles.
Ready to start using using your vacation days? Get started below!
Written by Katie Tatham; Vancouver based traveler, foodie and outdoor enthusiast. Connect with her @kltatham.
This new study shows what you should not be doing when you make decisions.
Guest Post by Alexandra Hayes
It goes without saying that making choices is part of what it means to be an adult. Some of them are relatively simple, like narrowing down dinner options or deciding what to wear to work on the day of a big meeting.
Then, there are the more complicated decisions that affect others and can invoke feelings of selfishness and guilt, like whether you should leave your current job where you’re needed and respected for another where there’s more opportunity for growth.
Or, say you’re a skilled engineer — do you spend your time fixing your friends’ iPhones, or decline so you can spend time doing more meaningful work that also advances your career?
Science says…
Of course, each decision is a personal one, but a new study from Ohio State University suggests there’s a mindset you can adopt that will help you make decisions that maximize benefits for you and others — big picture thinking — without the guilt associated with selfishness.
One key to maximizing benefits for everyone, according to the study’s lead author Paul Stillman, PhD, is accepting the fact that sometimes the best decision will benefit you the most. He added, “The most efficient decision is the one that is going to maximize the total pie. Sometimes it makes the most sense to seem a bit selfish if that is going to maximize overall benefits.”
In the study, researchers assigned 106 students one of two distinct frames of mind: the first, a “big picture” (what psychologists call “high construal” thinking) mindset; the second, an immediate, present-day mindset.
One experiment asked students to make anonymous decisions about how to split up money between themselves and four others with the goal of maximizing benefits. Ultimately, “maximizing benefits” meant something different to each of the participants — half of them understood the phrase as making decisions that favor others, while the other half understood it as making decisions that favor themselves.
Why a ‘Big Picture Mindset’ Matters…
The results revealed that those with a “big picture” mindset almost always made choices that maximized total value for the group, whether or not the choice was most helpful to them. Meaning, they were cool with decisions that seemed selfish, so long as they felt the decision maximized benefits for the group.
Three other experiments confirmed these results, though using slightly different scenarios.
While the results are intriguing, I found myself wondering how I could actually implement big picture thinking — especially since I often find myself focused on immediate outcomes.
So I got in touch with Stillman to see what he’d recommend for someone like me.
The advice you need to make decisions
First off, he suggested taking a “metaphorical step back”, which is another way of saying put distance between yourself and whatever it is you’re considering, like imagining you’re a fly on the wall watching yourself. When you remove yourself from the situation and observe as an outsider, you’re more likely to make the smart choice — the one that serves you and others. Next, he says, you should imagine you’re helping someone else make the decision, rather than yourself.
This advice resonated with me and in my experience, has been a tried and true method for making smart choices.
Here’s how, and why, you should never compromise while building your career.
Guest Post by Kathy Caprino via Thrive
As a career coach and adviser to mid- and senior-level professionals, and in my former work as a therapist, I’ve come into contact with thousands of questions, concerns, mistakes and crossroads that emerge in people’s lives. And observing the long arc of many careers, I’ve noticed that the worst missteps – the ones that make us feel deep pain, regret, and remorse – are mistakes reflecting what people have chosen to compromise on or to give up in order to be “successful.” These compromises don’t feel like “choices” at the time, but they are, and they lead to common crises and challenges that are disastrous for the individual.
Below are the top five things you should never compromise while building your career (or you’ll regret it deeply):
1. Your standards of integrity
I view “standards of integrity” as core principles and values that guide our behavior. Integrity is a choice, and while it is influenced by a myriad of factors (your culture, upbringing, peer influences, etc.), it can’t be forced. If it is, you have played a part in that. One who has strong and well-defined standards of integrity behaves with wholeness, integration, honesty, and does right by himself/herself and by others. Standards of integrity involve values and virtues such as honesty, kindness, trust, wisdom, loyalty, transparency, objectivity, acceptance, openness, empathy, and graciousness.
I’ve seen so many people in midlife awaken as if from a long stupor to realize that they’ve compromised their most core values in order to get ahead in their work or keep jobs they hate. It hurts them to find that they’ve walked away from who they are, and what they value and cherish most.People mistakenly believe that in these economic times they have to give up on their values and integrity to stay employed, but that’s simply not true. Those who are guided by a strong sense of integrity fare much better in professional life, and will be successful where others fail.
2. Your self-respect
I’ve personally lived through the heartache of compromising my self-respect to stay in a job. Years ago when I was in one high-level corporate marketing role, I knew that how I was behaving (because I felt pressured to), was beneath me. I wasn’t the leader or manager I longed to be, because I couldn’t manage and navigate through the toxicity, stress and fear I felt in my job and in the organization. I tried to speak up about what I saw around me that wasn’t right, but I got crushed down. In the end, I completely lost my self-respect, and felt that I was “prostituting” myself in order to keep my job and maintain my high salary. I knew literally in the first week that the job and company were wrong for me. What should I have done? Find a new job fast.
3. Your soul for money
Money – and our relationship with it – is a topic that’s spawned millions of books, articles and seminars. Many of us struggle each day with maintaining a healthy balance and appropriate power dynamic with our money, and most of us fail. I’ve seen countless professionals give up their souls for money – not because they are struggling to pay the bills, but because they’ve become enslaved by their lifestyle and their need to impress and stroke their fragile egos.
These folks have forgotten that they’ve come here at this time on this planet to do more than pay the bills, acquire things, and keep up with the Joneses. I’m not saying that fulfilling your financial obligations isn’t important – it is. I am saying that you are much more than your paycheck or bank account.
You know if you’ve sacrificed your soul for money – it’s a painful, debilitating state that you can’t pretend your way out of.
I know I’ll hear from lots of readers of this article who will say, “Kathy, you’re nuts. I have to stay in this job I hate because I’m financially responsible for my family and it’s the only job I can get.” Not knowing your situation, I can’t say for sure, but my guess is that you absolutely do not have to work in ways you despise – ways that hurt and sicken you – in order to do what’s necessary for yourself and your family.
4. Your health and well-being
In my corporate training and seminars, I see hundreds of high-level professional women who are brilliant, achievement-oriented and accomplished, but at the same time exhausted, depleted, and depressed. In the pursuit of a great career, they’ve compromised their health and well-being. Much of this has to do with the ever- complicated issue of work-life balance and how to stay competitive and ahead of the curve. But to me, it’s much more.
Sacrificing your health and well-being demonstrates your lack of prioritizing yourself as important, failing to understand that you must care for yourself – and yes, put yourself first — before you can be of true service to anyone else, your organization, your family or your employer.
If you’re a “perfectionistic overfunctioner” – doing more than is necessary, healthy or appropriate and trying to get an A+ in all of it – you’ll suffer both mentally and physically. And if your body is shutting down, diseased or broken down from the way you work, rapid change is needed.
5. Your legacy
Finally, the saddest professionals I know who experience the deepest regrets have sacrificed their legacy in the process of building their careers.
What is your legacy? It’s what you will be able to say about yourself when you’re 90 looking back – what you’ve stood for, given, taught, imparted, and left behind. Not what you dreamed of being, but what you have become. It’s the impact you’ve made on the world, your family, and your community.
This is not a dress rehearsal, but the real thing here, and so many professionals forget that they have this one chance to build a life that’s meaningful and purposeful for them. Instead, they compromise their legacy in a vain effort to grasp “success,” accolades, security, or power.
If you think you have to compromise on any of the above in order to be employed or build a successful career, think again. I’ve lived the pain of giving yourself up in the processing of creating a professional life, and despite all your best efforts, it will never bring you the success, fulfillment and reward you long for.
Grizzly bear encounters, earthquakes while hiking, and erratic temperature changes in the Alaskan wilderness made my worries—about job security, about finances — seem so small. Interior Alaska was unpredictable, and it was frightening to have no control over this uncertain environment. But with every moment that I accepted the harsh tundra of Denali National Park and Preserve as it was, I felt more alive. Acceptance made me fearless, and if I could allow myself to be vulnerable in this uncontrollable landscape, then I could confront all of life’s challenges—including the fact that my father had taken his own life a mere three months before.
Living by the rules
I had always lived life by the rules. I went to college, got a business degree, and got a job in marketing. There, I wore suits, carried a briefcase, and had my own office. I had control (or I thought I did), and that meant life was good. At least that’s what I was told, especially by my father, who’d spent 24 years teaching me what it meant to be successful.
Though I wanted to do more with my life, my dad’s approval of it was validating. But somewhere, what I truly wanted him to understand was that this briefcase-carrying career woman was not me. I had dreams of becoming a travel writer. “Dreams are just that—they’re not meant to be acted upon,” he would say. To him, the illusion of stability and security that comes with a salaried job was not worth giving up. Fear of losing my safe life and his approval turned this into gospel.
Then, on the morning of May 12th, 2014, my father, Mark Edward Kennedy, wandered into the woods and ended his life. I was in my office when I got the news. As the enormity of the situation became clear to me, my mind short-circuited like a clock, ticking progressively more slowly until it stopped: Tick—how can I fix this? Tick—this wasn’t part of the plan. Tick—where did I go wrong? Then time ran out on life as I knew it, and there was no going back. Between convulsive screaming fits, I repeated the words “What do I do? What do I do?” I was directionless. The man who taught me how to live had just given up on living.
Dad’s philosophy of life had been to avoid anything uncertain. He never took a vacation because bosses would see that the company could continue without him, and his fiscal plan consisted of stashing large amounts of cash away in a tin can, never spending a cent on anything he considered frivolous. Of course, in practice that meant travel was often out of the question. He protected himself from pursuing a life of deeper meaning and wanted to shelter me as well because in his mind there were too many chances for it all to go wrong.
At his funeral, a slideshow of pictures highlighted the events of his life. Pictures of birthdays and holidays brought back pleasant memories, but there was no sense of life-fulfilling accomplishment. I mourned losing him, but what I mourned more than anything else was his lost potential and a long list of dreams unrealized—unrealized except for one: traveling to Germany.
Family Trip Memories
My mother and I spent much of our family trip to Germany trying to convince him that the experience was worthwhile, but he was reluctant to venture outside of his comfort zone. His misery peaked somewhere between Ulm and Schwangau on the way to visit Neuschwanstein Castle in Bavaria. We’d left Heidelberg at 4 a.m., and we were about five hours into our six-hour train ride. Sore from the uncomfortable seat and exhausted from sleep deprivation, he made it clear that he wasn’t happy being yanked from his routine. “I don’t see the point of jumping through all of these hoops just to see a damn castle,” he said and proclaimed that he would go straight to sleep once we got to the hotel. But when the snow-capped Alps came into view and we saw the fairy-tale castle perched among the clouds and mountain peaks, his perspective on the situation changed.
Suddenly he was leading the charge. We explored Neuschwanstein and the town of Schwangau. He sampled blood sausage, bought a traditional Bavarian Alpine hat, and even tried to speak German (he knew more of the language then he gave himself credit for). But the moment when I sensed that he was authentically happy was when he marched toward the Alpsee Lake with an ice cream in his hand, singing an old song from Looney Tunes: “You Never Know Where You’re Goin’ Till You Get There.”
At the end of the journey, he finally understood that it wasn’t just about seeing a castle — it was the reward and the thrill of fearlessly facing the unknown in pursuit of a dream. He talked about that trip for years, completely forgetting how miserable and uncomfortable he had been at the beginning.
After Dad’s funeral, my roommate, Nicole, and I talked about dreams. “I want to look at a mountain from another mountain,” she said, “but it’s stupid.”
“Never call your dreams stupid,” I replied. But who was I to judge? I had been sabotaging myself, downplaying my own dreams for years. Nicole, my dad, and I were not so different. But what was the worst that could happen? Why not look at a mountain from another mountain? Why not take a shot at becoming a travel writer?
So I broke my dad’s rules. That August I quit my job, and a day later Nicole and I headed to Alaska. I had been shown firsthand that life’s too short and fragile to live in fear, so I vowed to pursue a life where I would leave no dream untouched.
The Alaskan wilderness tested my limits. My sunburned face and callused feet ached; the idea that wolves could be stalking us was unnerving; waving my arms in the air to scare away bears sounded like a bad joke. But as Nicole and I approached the cliff and looked out over the grandeur of Denali National Park and Preserve, 20 miles from Mount McKinley, North America’s tallest mountain—much as my dad did when he saw the Alps—I recognized that being fearless and risking my comfort to witness this majestic mountain made life worthwhile. We were looking at a mountain from another mountain, and living this dream was more fulfilling than any promotion, raise, or record month of sales. We made it. I made it.
On May 12, 2014, my father walked into the woods and was too frightened to confront life’s uncertainty. And in that final act of suicide, he taught me the greatest lesson of all: that a life worth living is one lived fearlessly.
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), text “help” to the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 or go to suicidepreventionlifeline.org.
This article was originally published on Yahoo and reshared here.
About Kae Lani: While some travellers follow their hearts, Kae Lani follows her gut. In addition to working as a travel writer, photographer, and videographer for USA Today 10Best, Kae Lani is also the co-creator of their newest venture, Eat Sip Trip. She has shared her love of food and travel on live broadcasts and has appeared as a guest on Cheddar TV and NASDAQ.
On July 15, in the late afternoon the city of Split, Croatia shut down. Shopkeepers shuttered their windows, posted handwritten signs about the closure, and locked their doors. Monuments and tourist attractions closed or never opened on that Sunday. Some enterprising entrepreneurs still kept to their schedules, but wearing their favorite team gear. Near game time, what felt like the entire city gathered in bars, homes, and open spaces to convene around a TV. The final game of the 2018 World Cup was about to begin, with the Croatian team playing for their place. This scene was repeated across the country, in cities and villages large and small.
The purpose of this isn’t a recap of the game, but rather a snapshot of community created through sport, the value of sport and play, and the facilities that make these stories possible. During our planning, we often miss this aspect of WHY recreation is key in meaningful community development. We clinically assess the data points on health and green space access, which is necessary, but we forget the stories and the community created through pick-up games, simply bringing a ball to park, and riding or walking on a trail.
A piece by Boris Starling passed through my social media feed. A piece which poignantly creates the backstory of this team and young people in this country, and even the country itself. This is a beautiful place with some of the most persevering people I’ve ever encountered. Young men, growing up with war as one of their earliest memories, turned to sport to challenge the status quo, to showcase their talents, and put their country front and center on the world stage.
The community rallied behind these young men, their support was evident during each game after the final game and a second place finish, and when the players returned to their communities. The community was invested in this sport, in the game; it was part of their lifestyle. It was a once in a lifetime experience to be part of the World Cup audience in Croatia and follow their success as a team and growth and development as a country. Sport is something we as humans can rally around, regardless of our political leanings, position in society, and language. Intentional design of our communities to include sport and recreation builds our capacity to set aside differences and celebrate success. Mindfully planning for the intersection of sport and everyday life, allowing business owners, citizens, and elected officials to be part of the story, creates a true community. Simply walk through the cities of Croatia wearing your team gear and you’ll learn this very quickly. Originally posted by Michelle here.
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